Fantastic music. Thank you. I always wanted to play the guitar like that. In fact, in high school, I bought myself an expensive Gibson guitar and started taking lessons. After about 3 months, my instructor said, "Sell it." True story. I was on my way to being the next Eric Clapton, except for this discouraging guy. So I sold my guitar. Do you think I'm mad at that old coot? I will never forget the Sunday that a woman whom no one had ever seen before stood up in the middle of my sermon and said, "You are the devil himself preaching. Your preaching is demonic." And she turned and walked out. I want to tell you, people who were asleep were awake then, just waiting for my reaction. Now, if you were in my place, and you're preaching to maybe a thousand people, with others watching on TV and online, and somebody stands up and calls you the devil himself preaching, how would you react? Would you get angry because she's embarrassed you? Would you get worried, because you might be afraid others in the congregation agree with her? Would you feel sorry for her? Would you think she must have a really bad marriage or a bad background to be that angry and to stand up in the middle of a service, and you feel sorry for her and just forgive her? Let it go. "Poor thing." Would you do that? I tell you that story to prove that anger is never compulsory. We always have other choices. There were some in that audience who were angry at her for doing that, for disrupting the service. And there were others who were feeling sorry for her and wanting to nurture her. We always have choices. Anger is never compulsory. A popular myth is that people make us angry. Given what they've done, we have no choice but to be angry. "Of course we are." I absolutely love this woman on the screen here. Look at her eyes. "I don't have anger issues. I have issues with people who make me mad." That's the thinking of so many people. "I don't have anger problems. I just have problems with people who make me mad." That's how most people think. But the fact of the matter is, no one has the power to make us angry without our cooperation. If you want to tame your anger before it becomes destructive, you've got to stop saying, "People make me mad," and start saying, "No one has the power to make me angry without my cooperation." And that woman who called me demonic is proof of that. If you want to tame your anger before it becomes destructive, you've got to own your behavior. Take responsibility for it, rather than blaming other people and making other people responsible for your emotions. And I say that because as long as we are blaming other people for our anger, we are putting other people in control of our life. We're putting them in charge of our emotions. "You make me angry." Stop that. "I put you in charge of my emotions." Do we actually want to say other people are in control of us? Do you really want to say that? If so, we will never tame our anger, because other people control our emotions, not us. "You make me…" You've put them in charge of your emotions. You'll never conquer it, because you're not in charge of your emotions, are you? So the first step in taming our anger is to stop blaming other people for it. We've got to stop saying, "You make me so angry." Going forward, never again. Take responsibility for your own emotions. Now, right now some of you are pushing back. I know what you're thinking. You're thinking, "You're wrong, Pastor Mike. You don't know my husband. You don't know my child. You don't know my boss. You don't know the situation I'm in." Yes, that's what you're thinking. And you're thinking, "I get angry also because that's the way God wired me up. You know, I'm Italian. I'm Irish. I'm a hot-blooded Latino. God made me this way." Now we're blaming God for our emotions. I read this last week that researchers at the University of California at Irvine, and I'm not making this up, say that some people have a bad-driver gene. I've got it. They're serious. They said there's a gene that makes you a bad driver. Now, you know what I did? I put that article in my car's glove compartment, because the next time a cop pulls me over, I'm going to show him this article and say, "Scientifically, I have a bad gene, and I can't help it." Do you think the cop's going to let me off? I don't think so. Researchers also say there is an adultery gene. Do you women believe that? No. But if you do, before you marry someone, you should have him checked for the adultery gene. And some of you are sitting there wishing you had had your ex checked before you married him. They're really serious. An adultery gene. Stanford University, my own alma mater, says there's a gene that causes people to overspend. It's the overspending gene. So don't blame your wife for coming in with eight bags of shoes and expensive clothes. She's just got the overspending gene, and she can't help it. Guys, are you going to believe that? No. And then Duke University says there's an anger gene, which means if you've got the anger gene, you can't help but get angry. You can blame it on your genes. And that's what we're doing in America. We're now blaming God for the genes He gave us. Of course, this research is almost universally discounted and disputed. Shoddy science. And that's why none of you believe in it. But I know this for sure: people who blame others for their anger never tame it. Blamers never make progress. Why? Because they put other people in charge of their life. You've made them responsible for your emotions. As soon as you say, "You made me so angry," you're out of control of your own life. People who are good at blaming never improve. In my research, I came across an article that really grabbed my attention. It was about Warren Buffett. You know, the investment guru. He says there are five things that most people learn too late in life. What would you guess those five things are, that most people have a hard time learning and believing? Well, I've got the list here. The first is: life isn't fair, so get over it. Second: family matters more than friends. Third: happiness is a choice, not circumstances. It's a choice. In other words, he's saying if you're not happy, it's your own fault. Fourth: your life is not as long as you think. And fifth: anger is almost always destructive. Destructive. You know, a lot of people don't really want to tame their anger, because they find anger useful for manipulating other people and getting their own way. Haven't you experienced that in a marriage? One person is strong and angry, and the other is peace-loving, a conflict avoider at all costs. And so often, the person who sees they've married a conflict avoider will use that to their advantage. They get angry at them and use that anger to get their way, because they know the other person will cave to bring peace. And I'm sure there's more than one of us here who's using anger to manipulate other people. We've done it for a long time. But I'm warning us: it eventually becomes destructive. Why? Because the number one cause of divorce is anger. Because when you let anger get the best of you, it brings out the worst in you. And I'm sure that in the last couple of weeks, anger has brought the worst out of someone here. My guess is there are marriages that are experiencing that. And there have been miserable nights because it's brought out the worst in you. When we're angry and open our mouths, we will make the best speech we'll ever regret. Yes. Angry words can be forgiven, but it's a lot harder to forget than to forgive. And my guess is that some of you, probably all of you, can remember angry words that were said to you by a coach, by a parent, maybe by a grown child, or an ex you're divorced from. But you can still remember some of the hurtful words that they said to you. It's like a bullet lodged in your brain. That's why anger is so destructive. It makes the best speech you'll ever regret. If you're wise and you're angry, you'll keep your mouth shut and not make those speeches. Dr. Les Carter is a famous anger specialist at the Minirth-Meier Institute in Texas. He's written the best book that I have read on anger. It's simply called The Anger Trap. We've got some copies out there for you. It's a phenomenal book, short but deep. And he says, get this, "The angriest people are not yellers. The angriest people, and the most dangerous, are those who hide it and are quiet," not the yellers. They smile at you, he says, and then stab you in the back. And that's Cain in Genesis 4. He's over-the-top angry at his brother, for no good reason. But he's angry. And then we read verse eight: "Now Cain said to his brother, 'Let's take a walk in the field.' And while they were in the field, Cain killed his brother." Now, you've got to be asking, why would you go with your brother into a lonely field if he's so angry? Because you couldn't tell. Because he hid it. Cain didn't show it. He had no clue that his brother was angry. Cain is the patron saint of all those who never yell but have other ways of hurting you. Like emotional withdrawal, or going silent on you. You know, the silent treatment. Has anybody experienced that for a week? Or sarcastic criticism? But God sees his anger and warns him, in what I think is one of the most profound sentences in the Bible: "Sin crouches at your door." Notice, God does not say anger is sin. He says it makes you vulnerable to destructive things. It crouches at your door. Get rid of it before the sun goes down on it. Anger itself is not a sin. The Bible never says anger is a sin. It's just an emotion. But when we are angry, if we don't get rid of it, it will lead to destructive behavior and sin. Why? Because Ephesians 4:27 says, "Do not give opportunity to the devil." Your anger is his opportunity. Another version says, "Don't give the devil a foothold in your life." I just love that picture. A foot in the door of your heart and mind. That's what anger does when you don't get rid of it. Now, I know what you're thinking. You're thinking, "You're wrong again, Pastor Mike. I would never give the devil a foothold in my home. No, I wouldn't." Yes, you would. Here's what happens. You get angry. You don't get rid of it. It gives the devil a foothold in your life, in your home. And what he does is, he takes the guest room. He stays back here. And before you know it, you have a little problem with your husband or your wife. And the devil's in the back room yelling, helping you to build a case against your husband or your wife. "Don't forget the tone of his voice. Remember last Valentine's Day? You forgot all about it." Remember, he's got a file on your husband or your wife, a record. And on your boss. And he pulls out that file, and he starts reading it to you, and he helps you case-build. Do you know what case-building is? Case-building is building a case against them, like a prosecuting attorney. And that's what happens. We begin to review what they've done. And as we review, we exaggerate it. And like a prosecuting attorney building a case against the person, the devil is going to be helping us, because his very name means "the accuser." He's going to use that file he's got on your wife, and he's going to remind you of things, shooting arrows into you, and help you build a case. Why does he want to help you build a case? So you can punish them and feel good about it. "They deserve this." That's why we case-build. We get even. We do destructive things, because they need to be taught a lesson and punished. Case-building. We've all done that. When we case-build against a person, we forget all the good things they've done. We demonize them, because the head demon himself is helping us. Now, Carter gives us a little test to see if we are as anger-free as we think we are. Because if we're not a yeller, we think we don't have a problem. So he gives this test. I thought it'd be kind of fun to give it to ourselves today. And you know, every time I mention something that's really you, just count on your fingers how many times this is really true. And if you need other fingers, you can use the fingers of the person next to you. That's fine. But let's do it. Let's just see these hidden forms of anger. Number one: Are you a perfectionist who likes things done the right way, your way? That's a hair trigger for anger. Two: Are you often critical of other people? Three: Do you sometimes stab people in the back verbally, and plant negativity in other people's minds, because you're angry at someone? That's anger. Four: Are you sensitive about how you're treated? That's an anger trigger. Five: Do you bristle if you're criticized or corrected? Six: Is there someone with whom you have numbed your feelings? You're just numb. Eight: Do you have a hard time with annual evaluations at work? Nine: Does being held accountable make you angry? 10: Do you always need to win arguments? 11: Do you often compare yourself to others? 12: If people offend you, do you emotionally distance yourself from them? 13: Do you keep a record of wrongs against people, and hold on to resentment, because forgiving is hard for you? 14: Are you often sarcastic? Sarcasm is a form of anger, but it's easily defensible: "Can't you take a joke?" And 15: Do you intensely dislike the Raiders? How'd you do? Did you run out of fingers? Honestly? All this behavior is really anger behavior, but it's hidden and denied. His point is that there are many forms of anger besides losing our temper. If I had to sum up what God says about anger, it'd be this: get out of your own way. Get out of your own way. And I say that because, can't you imagine yourself having a better marriage? Even if it's a good marriage, sometimes forms of anger get in the way of the marriage you want. Can't you imagine yourself being a better person? But forms of anger get in the way of your advancing as a person. Can you imagine yourself as a better parent or grandparent? But actually, your anger gets in the way. And that's why there's a space between who we are and who we could be. And it's caused by anger. We're getting in our own way, because anger is so destructive to the person we want to become. Our attitudes and behavior often get in the way of our improving. And that's why conquering anger, and no longer justifying it or using it to manipulate other people, is not a little thing. It's getting out of your own way, so you can improve as a person. Secondly, admit your anger. The number one reason people don't master their anger is that they deny that they are angry. God confronts Cain: "Why are you so angry?" And Cain's silent. Did you notice that? He doesn't answer God, because he doesn't have a good answer to that. "Why are you so angry?" And because he won't admit it, the first murder in history happens. A brother kills a brother. When Eve gave birth to Cain and held baby Cain in her arms, she could not imagine him murdering her second-born, who was going to come along. Cain was not born a murderer. The anger he didn't get rid of made him a murderer. That's what it led to. There's a huge implication here, as I thought about this, and it's this: keep your distance from people who rarely admit they are wrong, and who usually try to make you feel everything is your fault. Keep your distance. And that is especially true if you're dating a person like that. They may have many good qualities. But if they never admit they're wrong, and they have these different forms of anger, not yelling, but other forms, and they're blamers, "You're the problem. You made me angry," run. Run. Don't think that just because you are in love, that's a good enough reason to be married. It isn't. And don't think that after the wedding, you're going to change the other person. No, you won't. People are really on their best behavior before the wedding. After the wedding, all restraints are gone. Run. Third, face the fact that mismanaged anger stunts us spiritually. You'll become a spiritual midget. A spiritual midget. You know, that's Saul, in his envy and anger towards David, who was so popular with the women. He became a spiritual midget, and God had to replace Saul, because spiritual midgets shouldn't be in leadership. And it's the same here with Cain. Cain's anger made him a spiritual midget. So small as a person that he kills his own brother. That's being small. And this is why anger makes us midgets spiritually. And when we become midgets spiritually, we start justifying all kinds of behavior, like revenge, keeping a record of wrongs, backstabbing, gossip, refusing to forgive, unkind words. All of these things are the behaviors of spiritual midgets. And they justify them and feel no guilt. And it grieves the Holy Spirit. Ephesians 4:30 says, "And do not grieve," that is, make cry, "the Holy Spirit." Do not grieve the Holy Spirit. Imagine that: making God cry because of angry behavior. "Get rid of all bitterness, rage, anger, slander, gossip, along with every form of malice," that is, ill will. All those things grieve the Holy Spirit, and they're all products of anger. Anger will make you a midget spiritually. It doesn't matter if you're an elder, if you're a preacher, if you come to church every Sunday. If we do not conquer the anger problem, and these are characteristics of our life, we're midgets spiritually, no matter what our position is. Anger produces un-Christlike behavior that grieves God. We become spiritual midgets. I don't know about you, but I don't want to be a spiritual midget. I want to grow into the image of Christ. I bet you do, too. You don't want to be a spiritual pygmy. So don't let the sun go down on your anger. Get out of your own way, and improve. Improve. No longer say, "Someone made me angry." No longer justify it. Start opposing it. I want to pray for us. And I'm going to do this reflectively. Would you bow your head with me? Lord, we come before You. We want to be different because we've been here today. We don't want to be midgets. Speak to us. Lord, is there anybody we're keeping a record of wrongs on? We've got a record of criticism. Does anybody come to your mind? Lord, is there anyone we've emotionally distanced ourselves from? We haven't yelled at them, but we've rejected them in anger. Anyone? Lord, is there anyone we've said bad things about to other people? Have we poisoned other people against this person we're angry at? Have we gossiped about them and divided people? Anyone? Lord, forgive us. Lord, we ask forgiveness. Lord, I pray You'd help us to search our relationships and to begin to make them right, as we drop our case-building against others. We stop case-building. Help us, Jesus. Amen.