You see a photo of Frank Sinatra on the screen. Most of America envied him. Women swooned over him. And men were jealous of the wealth he had and his way with women. A lot of men wished they were Frank Sinatra. But they would never guess that he spent most of his life depressed, fighting depression. In fact, twice he attempted suicide. Not many people know that. Why in the world would he attempt suicide? Because he wanted a better life. Marilyn Monroe. She was beautiful and sexy, and her photos still hang in homes and places of business in America today. She was one of Hollywood's biggest stars. But her three marriages all ended in divorce. She couldn't make a relationship with a man last. The final years of her life were filled with more affairs and alcohol. And her death was controversial. We're not sure, but a lot of people think it was suicide. Why? Why did she live this life? Because she wished she had a better life. Marilyn Monroe. You'd be surprised who you know who wishes they had a better life. And I'll bet many of you, sometime, even recently, have wished your life was better. Frederick Buechner, the Christian author, wrote that deep inside us is the suspicion that our life could be better. Do you have that suspicion? Your life, somewhere, could be better. You may have a great career and live very well materially, but your marriage, even though it's not bad, is not all that you wish it was. There are some disappointments that you've learned to live with. You don't say it, not even to your spouse, but the fact is you wish your marriage was better in some places. It's your secret. Or maybe you have a great marriage, but your relationship with one of your children isn't great, and your secret is you wish your life was better as a parent. Or the person you love died, and they're irreplaceable. You know, there's a loneliness that some people in this church feel that they can't put into words. It's just so deep. They have no idea how their life could be better, because they can't see that as possible without their loved one. And they're dead. Jesus promised in John 10:10, "I came to give you abundant life." But you know, when people hear that promise from Jesus, the fact of the matter is a lot of us are thinking, "I don't have that. There are gaps in my life. My life does not measure up to abundance. There really is a poverty in my life. Not materially, but in some other way. I wish my life was better." This morning, let me show you how you can have a better life. Now, there are some preachers who will tell you it's automatic. If you just become a Christian, if you just become filled with the Holy Spirit, you'll have abundant life. I will not tell you that, because it is not automatic. The Bible says there are things we must do to stop blocking the abundant life. That's right: blocking the abundant life that God wants to give us. And the first thing is this: a better life requires better thinking. No one can be happier than the way they think. I wish I could convince more people of that. Some of you are thinking, "I've heard you say that before." Yes, because you're not believing me on this. You really think you can continue to think negatively and critically and all these other ways and have abundant life? No, you can't. Your thinking is dragging you down, day after day. Science has discovered that when we have repeated thoughts, they actually groove our brain. Physical grooves that scientists can see in a brain in an autopsy. Some of us have been stuck in brain ruts for years. That's right, brain ruts. Some of us have this judgmental rut. Some of us have this critical rut. Some of us, a complaining rut. I don't know what your negative rut is, but it's blocking abundant life. Proverbs 23:7 says, "As a person thinks, so he is." There it is. What else does that mean, other than as a person thinks, they become, and you're blocking your abundant life? Now, when you look at that factual statement, the logical question to ask is: What kind of life is your thinking producing? What kind of life do you have? Is it really the best life? The life you've always wanted? If it isn't, you've got to look at your thinking. What kind of life is your thinking producing? Stress is a way of thinking. I learned this when I was having lunch with a guy who had a big business. It was in 2008, and the economy was crumbling. And as I had lunch with him, I knew his business was losing boatloads of money. And I asked him, "You don't look stressed. Why aren't you stressed?" I'll never forget what he said: "Because I choose not to be stressed." He understood that stress is a way of thinking, and he wouldn't let himself think that way. He was living abundantly in the midst of losing money. You will never get rid of stress by having a perfect life, because you're never going to get there. You've got to learn not to think stressful thoughts. Fear is a way of thinking. I have never seen so many people afraid as I have in the last three or four years. I mean, our politicians, the media, they've got the whole country afraid. Afraid they're going to die from this COVID. Afraid of atomic warfare. Afraid of this. I don't know. Everybody's afraid except me. I'm not afraid, because I refuse to be afraid. Fear is a way of thinking. It's what I call "horribleizing": thinking the worst. And you'll be afraid, and it's not abundant life. It's blocking the better life. Because when you're afraid, you won't take risks. There are things you won't do. When you're afraid, a fearful person is really not very fun to be around. And a fearful person, and this is going to surprise you, a fearful person is a manipulator. Oh yeah. Because when the people around them want to do something they're afraid of doing, they will manipulate them out of it. One way or another, they are always a manipulator. So what kind of life is your thinking producing? I meet a lot of unhappy people, don't you? I mean, I really do. It baffled Freud. Freud famously asked this question: "How can we be so rich materially and yet so unhappy?" We have so much stuff, and we're so unhappy, because happiness, the best life, is in the brain. He couldn't answer it. Unhappy people are characterized by a lot of anger, self-pity, judgment of others. They tend to be vengeful. They're negative because they're so unhappy. They don't want you to be happy. They want to drag you back. I'm sure you know somebody in your family or somewhere else who is not a very happy person, and they don't want you to be happy. It's hard to be happy when you're thinking unhappy thoughts against people. Negative thinking is a form of self-abuse. They're making themselves unhappy, but blaming others. Doesn't it just stand to reason? It's hard to be happy if you're thinking unhappy thoughts. Abraham Lincoln said, "People are about as happy as they make up their minds to be." He also said, "After the age of 40, you're responsible for your face." I'm just looking around right now at faces. Because you see, our face has been produced by our thinking, the ruts in our brain. You're responsible for your face. I would say that's exactly what the Bible says. I would put it this way: Don't believe everything you think. Because the fact of the matter is, thoughts fly into your brain. They just pop in out of nowhere. The problem is a lot of you let them stay. You show them the guest room. You can't do that. You've got to put some thoughts out of your brain. You've got to thought-stop. Say, "No, you may not come in, because you are going to block the better life I want if I let you in." That means challenging and breaking some of our habits of thinking. No one can have a better life if they refuse to have better thoughts. It's just that simple. And that's why a lot of us don't have a better life, and we're not happier. One of my favorite books is by C. S. Lewis. The title is The Chronicles of Narnia. And it's about a parallel world to this world, a different kind of world, where trees talk and animals talk. And there's a wicked witch. And there's also Aslan, the Lion of Judah. The Bible uses "Lion of Judah" as a metaphor for Jesus. Well, in Narnia, he's a real lion. And one of the stories is about a boy named Eustace. And Lewis says, "If you knew Eustace, you'd know he deserved the name Eustace." And he gives us what Eustace writes in his journals, because his journals reveal his thoughts. And what they reveal is he's self-centered, complaining, judgmental, jealous, critical of others, and just negative. And of course, he's an unhappy person, because he has all these unhappy thoughts. And one day he stumbles onto a dead dragon and the dragon's treasure of gold. And Eustace is very materialistic. He loves money and what it can buy. And he's overjoyed. The dragon is dead, and here's his treasure. It wasn't long until he fell asleep on the treasure. And when he wakes up, he's a fire-breathing dragon. And Lewis says the reason is he's been thinking dragon thoughts all of his life, until he finally becomes a dragon. And it's just like a person who thinks critical thoughts forever becomes a critical person. A person who lies enough is a liar, because we become our choices. Lewis says that Eustace's thoughts are like a dragon's, so he turns into a dragon. And Eustace is proof that a certain kind of thinking produces a certain kind of person. Doesn't that make sense to you? A certain kind of thinking produces a certain kind of person. So many people are blocking the better life, the abundant life God wants to give you, because your thinking is not producing the kind of person it takes to have a better life. So if your marriage could be better, it might be because you're not the kind of person who would allow that. You're a critic rather than an encourager. That's not going to make a better marriage. And it may be that the relationship with a child is not the best it could be, because you haven't become the kind of person to have that kind of good relationship: forgiving, rather than holding grudges or being critical of a child. Becoming a certain kind of person is produced by a certain kind of thinking. And if it's not there, you can't have the better life, because you're blocking it with the person you've become. Think about that very seriously. What kind of person is your thinking producing? The fact is, you are what your thinking over the years has produced. Secondly, a better life requires better choices. I tell you, from reading C. S. Lewis, I've learned more from him than from any other person, by far. And I think one of the best things that he has taught me is there are no neutral choices. Every choice changes our life, for better or worse. Every choice changes us. That's why, if you lie, that's changing you. It's going to be easier the next time. You're selfish. You manipulate. That's changing you. A few years ago, I had the privilege of speaking at the local women's jail, and it was a large group of women in the jail. And most were in their 20s and their 30s. And they were in there for things like robbery and prostitution. And most all of them would be set free in a couple of years. One of them came over and said, "I'm going to be set free in two weeks." She's so happy. I walked out of that jail wondering this: Will they repeat their history? You know, the fact is, it's very discouraging when you look at whether prison changes people. The fact is there's a high return rate. Why is that? Why do they go back to prison? Because they repeat their history. Most people do. And that's why businesses, when they go to hire somebody, want to know their work history from references. And that's why, when you marry someone, you'd better check out their history. Not just their love history, but what's their history in attitudes and other things? Because people tend to repeat their history. Why is it that for first marriages the divorce rate is 55%, but for third marriages the divorce rate is 76%? You'd think it would get better. Why does it get worse with another divorce? It's because people repeat their history. Very few people will look at their behavior, examine their behavior, and take responsibility for their part. Most people are blamers. And people who make excuses and are blamers always repeat their history. So I wondered, would they repeat their history? There's another reason why people repeat the same behavior, and it's because they keep the same friends. They keep friends who are not encouraging them spiritually, because they're not interested spiritually. They keep friends who have bad habits and don't want to change them. And that has an impact upon you again. And that's why I say life is like an elevator. On the way up, you have to let some people off. Your life is an elevator. And on the way up, you've got to let some people off, or else they're going to drag you down. And I'll bet there are people here who have stories where you were trying to change in some way, and the people around you didn't want you to change. And you know, just to take a lame illustration, you used to drink a lot. Now your friends don't like it that you don't drink. You're no fun anymore. They want you to keep drinking. They're dragging you back. Life is like an elevator. On the way up, you've got to let some people off. Lewis, I think, got it right when he said, "God whispers in our pleasures, but He shouts in our pain. Pain is God's megaphone" to wake us up. And I really mean this from deep within my heart. I see people who have some kind of an addiction. You know, it's drugs, or it's alcohol, or it could be an anger addiction, any of those things. And people who love them want to push them to get help. Really, what they want to do is make their choices for them. And you see, don't do that. They make their choices. "You've got to go and do this." No one can make choices for another person. Everyone's got to make their own choice. And that's why sometimes in counseling, after I've worked with a person, I'll say, "I can only help you so far. I can't help you anymore. You need to make the choices we've talked about. I can only help you so far." And I think a lot of people who love a child, or you're in a marriage, you've got to remember you cannot make choices for the other person. You can only help them so far. And sometimes you've got to let a person fall into pain, because only that changes them. Lewis called pain God's severe mercy. It's a mercy, because sometimes only that wakes us up. Years ago, a big-time developer started coming to worship. He's a nice guy, and his wife seemed very nice too. It was his third marriage, which is fine. And one day he made an appointment to see me. And in my office, he told me he was divorcing his wife. I said, "Why?" He said, "Because she's just like my other two wives, and I can't stand it." Ring, ring. Clue. This guy was on what I call the slippery slide of life. And that is back up here. There were no consequences coming yet, but he had developed a very selfish and manipulative and controlling mentality. And the reason was that with his employees, he could tell them what to do. He could control them and manipulate them. And when he got married, he treated his wife like an employee. And after a while, she wouldn't take it. She rebelled. That's when he decided he didn't love her anymore. He marries again. He hasn't done any self-examination. He treats her like an employee, too. Controlling. Gets angry when she doesn't do what he wants. And after a while, she starts resisting. That really makes him angry. He divorces her. Marries a third time. Same thing happens, because he's never taken responsibility and has just made excuses. Very controlling, and won't admit it. But I want you to notice he's far down on the slide. And when you get about here, it's freefall. You really can't stop. You've done it so much. Right? Wrong seems right. Wrong seems right. And I'm sure there are some people in our midst right now. You've done something wrong so much, you've made excuses for it so much, that now it seems right. And that will block a better marriage and a better life that you want. Another true story, from my time when I was a pastor in Denver. Steve was a hotshot attorney. He was making boatloads of money. He had a very nice-looking wife, a very nice girl, and three beautiful young children. Just one thing about Steve: he had one affair after another, and it was crushing his wife and threatened to break up this beautiful family that he had. And for some reason, one Sunday he came to an Easter service, sat in the back with his family, looking like a deer in the headlights. He sat back there, and something clicked. The next week, he made an appointment to see me. When he came in, he began to admit the choices that he was making that were damaging his wife and his children and threatening to break up the best thing he had. And he was ready to change. So I prayed. He confessed before the Lord. I got him and his wife into my small group Bible study. And I just saw this guy evolve. And what happened is, over the next couple of years, he reversed the slide, and he climbed back up to the top. He did it because he began to do some admitting. And some of you are on that slide. I want to promise you, you can reverse the slide, but it will take some admitting. For him, it was easier to change women than to change himself. John Wooden, the great UCLA coach, said, "The moment you stop making excuses is the moment you start making progress." I don't know whether it's with anger, or selfishness, or trying to manipulate your husband or wife. I don't know where it is. But when you stop making excuses, you start making progress. Some of you are on that slide, and you're pretty far down, but you can reverse it this morning if you'll come clean with God. Third, materialism will kill spirituality and the power of Jesus in you. You cannot have spiritual power to do the sort of things, to break the sort of habits you have to break, to have the life you've always wanted, if you don't have spiritual power. If your heart is captured by material things, it will slowly drift away from Jesus and the power of Jesus. Jesus said, "Don't store up treasures on earth, but in heaven. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also." Jesus is saying, if your heart is in the treasures of earth, your heart will never be in Me. It can't be in both places. Materialism is rampant in America today. It's storing up treasures on earth. It's just wanting more and more and more. There really is a greed among us. We never have enough, whatever. I think it's significant that the Greek word for greed is nordos, and we get the word "Nordstrom" from that word. [laughter] I'm just kidding. Even though I grew up in the desert in Arizona, in Denver I grew to love sailing. I bought a 25-foot sailboat, and on the lake where I had it, they loved to race. And we made many memories on this boat, my family and I, because I knew nothing about sailing. In fact, when I bought the boat, I said to the guy, "How do you put up this stick and put the sail on?" I didn't even know how to do that. So we made many memories, most of which were near-death experiences, but they're memories. And this racing was big. And so I got into racing. And I want you to know there are two kinds of racers. There are serious racers and unserious racers. And you can tell them instantly. You know an unserious racer on this lake, because he's got a barbecue on the back of his boat, smoking with hamburgers on it, and he's got beer and margaritas in his hand as he's circling out there. He's going to have a good time with his music. But a serious racer, he's jockeying for that imaginary starting line before the gun goes off. And there are near collisions as these boats jockey for position, so when it goes, they're right there at the front. But I want to tell you, they look around the lake, and they see these boats with barbecues and guys with margaritas in their hand, and they look at those guys and say, "Not a factor." "Not a factor." Another guy with a smoking barbecue: "Not a factor." They just ignore them, because they're not going to be a factor in this race. It's the same thing the devil does with us. We're in a spiritual war. If you don't think we're in a spiritual war, look at what's happening with kids, what they're being taught, what's happening in so many areas of our life. Disney now doesn't have male and female bathrooms. What? We're in a spiritual war. And the devil looks at so many Christians who are really not concerned at all. They've got margaritas in their hand. And he looks at that Christian and says, "Not a factor." And the fact is, a lot of Christians are not a factor in the war. They make no difference whatsoever. And the devil just laughs, because a lot of Christians are on this slippery slide, sliding down to more and more greed and materialism. And that's why our Sunday school and youth ministries are so important. And this worship service at three locations is so important. And I know right now some people are saying, "I don't want to hear about giving money and tithing." Then you will never have the floodgates of heaven open upon you and the blessings of God. You will never have that better life that only God can give. And the joy that you saw in our [unclear] today, you'll never have it. Not giving costs us so much. Giving gives us so much. I hope that when you die and you stand before the judgment seat of Christ, and we all will, I hope you'll be able to say, "Jesus, I was a factor, because I did tithe. I did give generously. I was a factor, and it was my money that helped a lot of things happen through that church." I hope you can say, "I was a factor." Pray with me. Lord, all I can say is, help us. There's a spiritual war going on right now in our hearts and minds. I only pray that we'd hear Your voice, Jesus. And I pray it in Your name. Amen.