When I was a pastor years ago in Denver, one time when I was preaching, a woman whom nobody had ever seen before in our church stood up in the midst of my sermon and yelled, "You are the devil himself. You're preaching lies straight from hell." And stomped down the aisle, out of the church. I want to tell you, if anybody was dozing, they were awake now, because they wanted to know how I'd react to this. She kind of energized the whole place. Well, what would you have done if you were in my place, and you're speaking to maybe a thousand people, and someone stood and called you the devil? Would you have yelled back, "No, you're the devil, and we don't allow people—" Or would you have felt sorry for her? Because obviously, anybody who would do that is a pretty unhappy person. So you'd feel sorry for whatever's behind that. Or maybe you would think she needs help. She's got some kind of mental imbalance going on in her head to stand up and do that. And you'd really have compassion for her. Is that the response you'd have? Or maybe you'd be very embarrassed, because you're afraid that a lot of people out there might agree with her that your preaching stinks. So how would you respond to that? I tell you that story, it really happened to me, to illustrate that anger is not compulsory. We have other choices rather than to be angry, don't we? Imagine with me that you're driving down Highway 68, and in your mirror you see this black Chrysler weaving in and out of traffic, and it's coming on fast. And it comes up beside you and then cuts right in front of you, so that you have to hit your brakes hard. And you're starting to fume at this crazy driver, when your 12-year-old sitting next to you says, "Look, he has a Hawaiian shirt on. That's Pastor Mike." So what do you do then? Do you, through the windshield, say, "Bless Pastor Mike, God. Keep him safe"? How many of you would say that? This is a pretty unmerciful group of people. Not a single one. You should stay for the sermon. Well, how many of you would start saying bad things through the window to the guy driving that car? We only have one honest person in the whole bunch. And how many of you would speed up and make a citizen's arrest? How many of you would decide that your pastor has the bad driver gene? Did you know science says there is such a gene? The University of California at Irvine, the researchers say that 30% of Americans have the bad driver gene. I think in Salinas that's low. A lot of people have the bad driver gene, apparently. I did a little research on this. I cut that article out, by the way, and put it in my glove compartment, so that if a cop stops me for speeding, I'm going to show him the article. "It's not my fault." Do you think I'm going to win that argument? I don't think so. I don't think police are going to believe that. So I did a little research, and I found out that researchers blame a lot of things on genes. Did you know that science says there is such a thing as an adultery gene? Which means you ought to have a guy checked out before you marry him, whether he has the adultery gene. If you marry somebody and he's unfaithful to you, and he says, "I have the adultery gene." Women, raise your hand. How many of you are going to believe that? Nobody's going to believe that. Stanford University says there's a gene that causes overspending and gets people into debt. Some of you have that gene. There's a gene that hates broccoli. I've got that gene. Duke University says, and I'm not making this up, there's an anger gene. And if you have that anger gene, you can't manage your anger, says Duke University. You know, people I meet all the time know nothing about this research that I've just shared with you. But intuitively, they believe it, because they said, "I can't help it that I get angry. That's just the way I am." They're talking about the anger gene inside of them. Don't you hear people say that, that they can't help it? Oh, yeah, you do. All the time, people say that around you. And that's just pure myth. It's pure mythical thinking. And I can prove it to you. You are in your car. You come up to a red light. You stop, and you happen to stop behind four Hell's Angels on their Harleys. They've got the black leather jacket on with a skull and crossbones on it. They don't have a helmet on. They have the red bandana on, and they're yapping at each other. The light turns green. They continue to yak. They don't notice the light is green. They just sit there. You're in a hurry. Do you honk your horn at them? Not a chance. That's called anger management. When it has to do with Hell's Angels. Because if that's a VW bus, you'd be standing on your horn. The Hell's Angels prove that we can manage our anger if we want to. So don't say you're helpless against your anger ever again, that you can't help it. Yes, you can. Yes, you can. And the Hell's Angels will prove it to you. Now, right about now, some of you are thinking, "This message, sorry I came. It's not relevant to me. I don't have an anger problem." Well, people think that because they're not a yeller, they don't have an anger problem. But remember Cain and his brother Abel in Genesis chapter 4. Do you remember that God comes up to Cain and says, "Why are you so angry?" So there's no question that Cain is angry. God sees and asks him why he is. And He says that sin is crouching at your door. Remember, in your anger, do not sin. It's crouching at his door. He ignores that. And he goes up to his brother Abel and says, "Let's take a walk out into the field." Okay, they've had a few beers. "Let's go out in the field." And Abel goes with him. Why? If this guy's so angry at him, why does he go in the field? Because Cain is hiding the anger. He can't see it. Abel has no idea how angry his brother is at him. And his brother kills him. He's so angry, he kills his own brother in the field. This incident in the Bible is saying to us, yellers are not the only people with an anger problem. Cain was not a yeller, but he was so angry he murdered a brother. In fact, because most of us are not yellers, we think, "Angry? Who, me?" We think we don't have an anger problem. Only yellers do, and we're not a yeller. Well, Dr. Les Carter is an anger specialist at the Minirth-Meier Institute in Houston, and he's recognized as one of the top two experts on the emotion of anger and how to handle it. And he's written a book that, of all the books I've read on anger, it's the best. It's simply called The Anger Trap. And I think we have a few copies out there. Get this. He says the angriest people are not yellers. They're not yellers. He says the most dangerous people are the ones with quiet anger, who don't yell. You see, a yeller just lets it all out and punishes you by yelling at you. But a person who's not a yeller, ooh, they get you other ways that are a lot more destructive than yelling at you. You think about that. I'd take a yeller any day. And I give that thought to you because we have ways of hiding our anger. And most people are in denial about having an anger management problem. Carter gives a little pop quiz to determine whether or not there is any problem within us with anger. And I thought I would give this to you, and the number of times you answer yes, you would count it on your fingers. Okay? Right now, a lot of you are angry at me for even giving you this test, aren't you? So that's number one. He asks, "Is there someone, the very thought of them makes you tense and angry? The tapes roll, what they did?" Anyone? That's number one for you. Two, is there someone you avoid? You don't even want to be around them. Three, would you have to admit that you are very judgmental and critical of someone at work, or someone around you? That's a form of anger, and it's quiet. Do you find yourself rehearsing verbally to other people how someone has offended you and done you wrong? Ventilating. That's pure anger. Do you sometimes talk behind someone's back? Gossip is a form of getting even with somebody in anger. Now, I see some of you nudging the person next to you. Don't do that. Did you just handle yourself? Some of you reaching over, counting on the other person's fingers. No, just on you. If you see this person, six, do you feel yourself tensing up, and negative memories start to roll? Seven, if thoughts could kill, would a lot of people be dead around you? Eight, do you believe in forgiveness, except for a couple of people you could name? That's a form of anger held on to. Is there someone you have to admit you've become hard-hearted towards, and if something bad happened to them, you wouldn't feel badly for them? "They deserve it." Ten, are you rebellious against authority, and people in authority just make you mad? Eleven, do you often interrupt people when they're speaking? That's a form of anger. Twelve, do you ever have pity parties? Because pity parties are just angry parties, anger parties at how people have treated your life. Thirteen, do you ever cuss anybody out? Fourteen, are you pretty sensitive about how people treat you? Do you sometimes say, "I'm hurt," when you really mean, "I'm ticked, and hurt, and angry"? Are you sensitive to how people treat you? That's an anger problem. Now, be honest. How many of you ran out of fingers? We've got a problem of truth-telling in this congregation. How many of you had to admit at least one of those things? Yes. Whatever you admitted, that's a form of anger management problem. If you had to say yes to two or more of them, you ought to buy the tape after the service. What I'm trying to do is give you the peace of God. You can never have the peace of God if these things are behavior patterns in your life. You can't have it. Anger is a peace robber from us. It's a thief, whatever its forms are. And what this little quiz shows is, there are a lot more forms of anger than yelling, and they all steal our peace. So how do we start to manage anger? Well, first, when you feel yourself getting angry, shut your mouth. Because if you can't control your feelings of anger, you sure can't control your mouth. So Proverbs 10, verse 19 says, "Be smart and keep your mouth shut." Put that on your mirror. James 1, verse 19 says the best advice: "Be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry." We reverse that, don't we? Be quick to get angry, quick to speak, and slow to listen. And that's why there are so many problems in relationships. We need to put that on our mirror and begin to ask the power of the Holy Spirit to actually do that, because those are all in the imperative. They're commands. The temptation when we're feeling angry is to ventilate it. Let it all hang out. Tell it like it is. I ran across some interesting statistics. Researchers have found that men speak, on average, 85 words per minute, except on Super Bowl Sunday, when that number can go as high as 175 words a minute. Women, on the other hand, speak on average 350 words a minute, but with gusts up to 900 words a minute. I'm just reporting science to you. I'm not making— Don't— You're looking mad at me. Just giving you this. This is true science. But that's also why a man can never win an argument against a woman. He just gets outgusted. The fact is, anger increases verbal output, doesn't it? At the very time we need to reduce verbal output until we get control of our emotions. I can only say this: speak when you are angry, and you'll make the best speech you will ever regret, and you'll make a speech that the other person is likely never to forget. Anger is an emotion that makes your mouth work faster than your brain. On the screen, I want you to remember this: Only God gives credit for words we do not speak. Only God knows what you could have said and you didn't. He gives you credit for that. You may find it surprising, but the Bible never teaches, "Don't be angry." Ephesians 4 says, "Be angry, but do not sin." It's what you do with your anger. And a most common way that we sin when we're angry is with our mouth. I was thinking about this this last week, and I wrote down for you on the screen: The less people think, the more they talk. Think that's true. And say hurtful things. I'll say it again: Only God gives credit for words we do not say. Socrates famously said, "There are three things that never come back: an arrow shot, a missed opportunity, and angry words." Angry words are just like releasing feathers in the wind. It's really hard to get them back, to get another person to forget what you said. So when you feel yourself getting angry, shut your mouth and listen. And what listening means is to drop your end of the rope. Let the other person be wrong without telling them. You don't have to accept every invitation to an argument. Just drop your end of the rope. Because the more you listen, the more understanding you become, and you build bridges, not walls. When you listen, you build bridges, and you come to more understanding of what they're feeling. So drop your end of the rope. I believe winning an argument is a loser's game. You cannot win an argument, because when you win an argument, how's the other person feel? Put down, dumb, not able to stand up for themselves. You do nothing good in winning an argument. You cannot win an argument. You get to be right, but you don't get to be closer with a person with whom you won an argument. Ephesians 4:29 says, "Get rid of all unwholesome talk." And that word, as I said in the reading, is spoiled, stinking meat. So the Bible is saying something very powerful in taming our anger. It's saying, "Taste your words before you speak." Are these putrid, rotten, stinking words? Then don't say them. Because whatever Christianity is supposed to do to us, it's supposed to make us more like Jesus. So you've got to continually ask yourself, is the way I'm handling my anger the way Jesus would? The way I'm speaking, can I imagine Jesus saying these things to another person? That's what it means to be living the Christian life: to live it like Christ would. Secondly, when you are angry, answer the question that God asked Cain: Why am I so angry? The fact is, anger is always the second emotion, never the first. We jump over to anger to cover up the real first feeling that we had, that we don't want other people to know about. For example, there's a Home Depot tool sale. You back your truck up, fill it up, run up your credit card, come home just so happy. Your wife sees your truckload of tools. She comes out, and she says, "We're trying to save money, and look at all the money you've just spent on tools you really don't need." So what do you do? Do you say, "I'm sorry, honey. You're right"? Not a chance. You start to get angry and start an argument with your wife. "Well, you spend a lot of money on stuff, too. Clothes and other things. You shouldn't be criticized." You see, we use anger as a diversionary tactic. We get it off the tool sale and get it onto her. And we use anger as a way to intimidate and to control another person, because a lot of people don't like anger, so they'll just shut down. And we know it. So we use anger that way. And I'll bet there are relationships within our midst right now where there's someone who's using anger to control the conversation, to shut the other person down. And so far it's working, but it's not drawing you closer together. Anger is usually a cover-up for the real thing, which in this case is his guilt and selfishness. I'll tell you a true story. Several years ago, Susie and I were on a plane together, and the stewardess walks up with a glass of champagne and hands it to Susie. Didn't give me one. I said, "What about me?" She said, "Well, the gentleman in the back didn't send you a glass of champagne." I said, "What gentleman?" "Well, there's a gentleman in the back said, 'Give this champagne to that woman, and tell her it's compliments of your beauty. You're a beautiful woman.'" Well, I'm starting to heat up. This guy's hitting on Susie, and I'm sitting next to her. And so I said to the stewardess, "Oh, really? I'd like to thank this guy. Could you point him out to me?" And the stewardess says, "No, he prefers to remain anonymous." And I said, "I bet he does." And I spent the whole rest of the flight looking at the back for a guilty guy. Now, why was I angry? The real truth of the matter is, I was embarrassed and feeling guilty that I hadn't bought my wife a glass of champagne. And I really had not been too gentlemanly as we were coming to the airport, helping her, and other things. It was guilt. I let this guy do what I should be doing. So now, every time we fly, the first thing I do is buy her champagne on the flight. Third, don't invite the devil in for a sleepover. That's what Ephesians 4:26 means when it says, "Don't let the sun go down on your anger." Don't invite the devil for a sleepover. And that's exactly what a lot of us do. A lot of you did it this weekend. You invited the devil for a sleepover. You're angry at somebody, and you said, "Come on in, devil. I've got a spare bedroom in the back. You can have that bedroom. Spend the night with us." And you know what happens? Verse 27 says, "Don't give the devil a foothold in your head." That word is "place." And what we've done is, we have actually given the devil a spot in our brain and in our heart. And we do it by rehearsing offenses in the past, keeping a record of wrongs, a careful record of wrongs. We've given the devil a room, the back bedroom in our home. Here's what happens. We get in a little bit of an argument with our husband or our wife, and we accuse him of something. We're a little bit angry about that. And the devil, from the back bedroom, starts shouting, "Well, don't forget what they did a week ago. And don't forget what they said three months ago. And don't forget 1999, what they did." He's just shouting from the back, helping you remember everything on your remember list against him. You've given the place to the devil in your life. What we've got to do is to interrupt the devil. We've got to take control of our thinking. Too many of us, whatever thought pops into our head, we just let it run. We're passive. We just let it run. That's not Christian thinking. To have a Christian mind, we've got to start throwing some thoughts out. We've got to say, "You know, I don't think Jesus put that thought into my mind." That's a good question to ask: Do I think Jesus gave me that thought? If not, it sounds more like the devil to me. We've got to throw it out. And so many of us, we're just passive. And you can't be passive and start to manage your anger, because thoughts produce feelings. That's why you've got to throw these thoughts out, or they're going to produce this feeling every time. Some of you are saying, "I can't help it. I can't do it." Yes, you can. Because the Bible commands you to do this: to allow no place for stinking thinking in your mind against another person. No place. Yes, you can. And I hope you'll do it, because that's the only way you're going to have the peace of God. Anyone let the sun go down on your anger towards someone? Someone's name come to mind you still have anger towards? Whose name comes to mind that you have a record of the wrong things they've done, in your mind? You've got a record. Isn't it time to kick the devil out of your head? Tell him he can't have that room anymore. Let me pray for us. Lord, help us to repent of any form of anger, that we might have peace and solid relationships. If there is a division between us and another person, let it be because of them, not because of us. And I pray this in Your name, Jesus. Amen.